This week’s journal is quite a fair bit late, largely because I had thought I wouldn’t post it at all. Much like all of this week’s effort, I had abandoned things somewhat in the chaos of the week. But in the words of Ms Elizabeth Taylor, sometimes you really ought to just “put on some lipstick and pull yourself together”. And so with that I share with you some of the moments from this week that have allowed some rays of sunshine to take prominence in what has felt more like a heavy heart this week.

It would appear that it is as much a lullaby to him as it a soothing melody for my heart.

Music

In classic fashion, I stole some moments this week to feed my soul, heal and centre myself by listening to some of my favourite songs. This week it was Susie Suh and Princilla Ahn that came to the rescue, and I couldn’t have asked for a more powerful duo.

I mentioned in last week’s gratitude journal that I didn’t get that opportunity I was aiming for, and how it knocked me for air for a little while. It seems my heart needed a little bit more time to heal from that, and in keeping with my mantra of being gentle with myself, I sat with my feelings on that and allowed myself the time needed to heal, to properly heal. I’m thankful for songs that can capture my feelings and articulate without effort what I struggle to say in the moment, and Susie Suh’s “Love is on the way” has been that song this week. Priscilla Ahn’s “Dream” is a perfect song to help remind oneself that in the long run, if we are brave enough, persistent and consistent enough, we will realise our dreams. The interim setbacks and failures are temporary.

Precious moments

As the days get longer and the nights lighter, it’s becoming increasingly harder to put my son to bed at night. Ever curious, he’s not keen on the idea of “missing out” when there’s light about the place. In an effort to avoid tantrums, I’ve taken to drawing out the nighttime ritual to make it more fun and engaging for him. The hope is to burn out the last bit of energy and allow him to crash on his own.

With being a working mother, it can often feel like I’m not spending enough time with him. So I’ve taken the extra time in the evening to enjoy some quality time with him. This week, we’ve brought back Brahms lullaby into our bedtime routine, and I just love how calm he instantly gets when I start to hum it. It would appear that it is as much a lullaby to him as it a soothing melody for my heart; a reminder to switch off and be present. Smell his hair for a little while, snuggle him a little closer and plant extra kisses before I leave his room. These are the precious moments that have made me grateful this week.

Film

I’ve been enjoying discovering the films by the Merchant Ivory production house, and this week it was the 1993 film, “The remains of the day”. As an ex-pat still trying to make sense of the cultures of my adoptive home England, I’m forever intrigued by how the English do things, for better or worse. Anthony Hopkins and Emma Thompson come together once more in this stunning production to highlight the fragility of life and love, and how in the end, even when endings are more bitter than sweet, we can always find a reason to open the shutters again, let the light come in, and dust off the cobwebs ready for a new spring day. There’s always a reason to treasure life.

Quote of the week

I suppose it’s only normal to doubt oneself now and again. This journey to launching this brand hasn’t been without those moments of self-doubt for me. With so many little moving parts, so many tiny things to sort out in the background as part of building a much bigger puzzle, I’ve found the doubt creep in, more so on some days than others. So this quote has been particularly poignant this week; I can only grow in confidence by keeping up momentum, by showing up each day for that day’s tasks and to-do list.

I often wonder, how long did it take Tolstoy to write Anna Karenina? It is my favourite book to date, and every time I sit down to read it again I’m shocked by how large it really is. Giving up at the first sight of doubt won’t do. So I have to keep on showing up, keeping those promises to myself.

Thank you for joining me for this week’s gratitude journal.

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